Guh! Day One Panchakarma

So there I was, up at the crack of dawn, and off down to the spa in anticipation of my first day of ghee detox.  It was shut (Indian time obviously 8am is 9 to 9:30 for them), so I decided to go and buy a diet coke seeing as I hadn't officially started my detox.  Mmmm fizzy, cold diet coke at 8:30 in the morning (on an empty stomach)!

Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long.  The young man at the reception desk asked me to be seated and disappeared into another room.   I thought, 'Ooh, they're just setting up the massage room.  I'll have a nice oily massage and that'll even out the nasty ghee.'  Except there was no massage.  He came back with a tray.  On it was a cup and saucer (ghee), a warm glass of milk, and a lemon.

"Drink!"

"Is this the ghee?"

"Yes, madam."

"Drink it all?"

"Yes, madam"

"Then massage?"

"No, madam.  Three days ghee, then massage."

"Oh, OK."

With some disappointment, I downed it in one, gulp, BOAK!  Boak again.  Another boak.  Oh good god, it was as bad as I had expected.

The receptionist seemed surprised that I had elicited such a reaction.

'Madam, drink the milk'

I took a look at the warm milk and almost vomited again:  I remembered that once when I was in my teens and was having difficulty sleeping, that I had drunk warmed milk to try to help me get back to sleep.  It had been disgusting.  This time though, it was actually soothing, although it didn't take away the greasiness in my mouth.

"Can I have some water?"

Off he went. I had a sip of water and felt much better.  I looked at the lemon still sitting on the tray next to the remnants of the ghee, and the half drunk milk.

"Take the lemon, madam"

"What should I do with it?"

"Take it with you, madam"

"Should I do anything with it?"

"Take it with you, madam"

Oh ok.  I put it in my bag.

"Should I eat anything today?"

"No pizzas, fries or hamburgers.  Eat chapati at dinner time. Limit, madam, limit."

"Right, when will I see the DR?"

"After 3rd ghee, madam.  We will call her."

"Any special instructions?"

"Limit madam, limit."

"Ok, so see you tomorrow?"

"Yes, madam."

"Should I pay you?"  I haven't yet paid for the programme (maybe a good thing?).  He looked confused.  So I took my lemon and left.

Later on the family and I were driving into town.  I thought I would gain some insight from our driver, who's very own mother had had her broken arm fixed by an aryuvedic doctor.

"I'm doing panchakarma!"

"What's that, Jenine?"

"It's aryuvedic detox for the body, it helps you lose weight."

"Never heard of it."

"No?  I drink ghee every day and get a massage."

A confused look....

"But ghee makes you fat..."

Right then.

I've spent the day suppressing the memory of the ghee, and throwing off thoughts about tomorrow morning.  I have some hope though!  My horoscope in todays Bangalore Mirror:

'A karmic cycle of acquiring or selling immovable assets begins.'

You couldn't make it up.