So, it's been a while, and lots of people have been asking me about the blog.
This being our fourth move, there's definitely a chain of events which detail your emotional adaption to the situation. All the inspirations/aspirations, and dreams and euphoric highs of actually moving to India went out the window, and I got fed up. Fed up that I didn't have my desktop; that I couldn't write more than half a page on my iPad, and especially fed up with just being stuck out in the 'Burbs on my own night after night. Then I went home for a holiday. Now I'm back, and not so fed up.
India is cheap. FACT. People talk about the US as a place where anything is achievable. You guys should come to India. You can do anything here. Did I mention it was cheap? When I first arrived, my mind went into overdrive - I wanted to take up driving lessons, learn how to become a Pilates instructor, do yoga, get a personal trainer, get a yogi, join a book club, learn how to play the Indian drums, take tennis lessons, have a massage once a week, volunteer at the women's club, stop smoking, stop drinking, lose weight, become a cook extraordinaire and so on and so on. It was all too much for me. I went the opposite way, and for the first couple of months, I did NOTHING, nada. I sat on my bum in front of VERY bad TV, and drank wine. Then I went home for a break.
On coming back at the end of the summer, I have realised that I was putting too much pressure on myself. It's easy after all this time moving from city to city, country to country, to think,
'PAH! This is a cinch! I'm a professional. I can do this. I've moved so many times, the change wont affect me, I don't need to try to make friends. Who needs friends? It's not going to be tough for me. Look at me, I've lived in FIVE countries including this one. I know it ALL! I AM the BIG I AM.'
Except, I'm not. I'm me. My problems, insecurities and everything else that I carry with me don't just disappear because I've moved. Nor does the fact that I think that I'm good at changing countries make me really actually any good at it. [Reference: Relocation Agent number 3]
I've realised that instead of overloading myself with ways to improve my outward appearance, and to fill my time that I actually need to step back. I need to STOP. I need to use this time to look at what's going on on the inside, because to be honest, I've never really done that. I've just buried it and usedwine other things to keep it deep inside. Well people, I'm on a path. The buck is stopping here. I'm working on the inside first. Let's just see what's going to happen to the outside.
This doesn't mean that this blog is going to be anything to do with any sort of spiritual awakening, 'cos it's not. It's all to do with my life in India and where that takes me. I just might slip some stuff in about breathing every now and then. Oh, and there's lots of travel and interesting events planned over the next few months too, so watch this space.
Next blog - happy, happy reconvenes.
PS I'm still going to the book group, and I still intend on learning how to drive.
This being our fourth move, there's definitely a chain of events which detail your emotional adaption to the situation. All the inspirations/aspirations, and dreams and euphoric highs of actually moving to India went out the window, and I got fed up. Fed up that I didn't have my desktop; that I couldn't write more than half a page on my iPad, and especially fed up with just being stuck out in the 'Burbs on my own night after night. Then I went home for a holiday. Now I'm back, and not so fed up.
India is cheap. FACT. People talk about the US as a place where anything is achievable. You guys should come to India. You can do anything here. Did I mention it was cheap? When I first arrived, my mind went into overdrive - I wanted to take up driving lessons, learn how to become a Pilates instructor, do yoga, get a personal trainer, get a yogi, join a book club, learn how to play the Indian drums, take tennis lessons, have a massage once a week, volunteer at the women's club, stop smoking, stop drinking, lose weight, become a cook extraordinaire and so on and so on. It was all too much for me. I went the opposite way, and for the first couple of months, I did NOTHING, nada. I sat on my bum in front of VERY bad TV, and drank wine. Then I went home for a break.
On coming back at the end of the summer, I have realised that I was putting too much pressure on myself. It's easy after all this time moving from city to city, country to country, to think,
'PAH! This is a cinch! I'm a professional. I can do this. I've moved so many times, the change wont affect me, I don't need to try to make friends. Who needs friends? It's not going to be tough for me. Look at me, I've lived in FIVE countries including this one. I know it ALL! I AM the BIG I AM.'
Except, I'm not. I'm me. My problems, insecurities and everything else that I carry with me don't just disappear because I've moved. Nor does the fact that I think that I'm good at changing countries make me really actually any good at it. [Reference: Relocation Agent number 3]
I've realised that instead of overloading myself with ways to improve my outward appearance, and to fill my time that I actually need to step back. I need to STOP. I need to use this time to look at what's going on on the inside, because to be honest, I've never really done that. I've just buried it and used
This doesn't mean that this blog is going to be anything to do with any sort of spiritual awakening, 'cos it's not. It's all to do with my life in India and where that takes me. I just might slip some stuff in about breathing every now and then. Oh, and there's lots of travel and interesting events planned over the next few months too, so watch this space.
Next blog - happy, happy reconvenes.
PS I'm still going to the book group, and I still intend on learning how to drive.
No comments:
Post a Comment